


Life and Death Are One

by Punrise



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Death, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Mentions of Suicide, mentions of illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 10:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15387069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punrise/pseuds/Punrise
Summary: His first taste of death was at the tender age of twelve watching his mother struggle for breath, sweat dripping down her face and covering her body in a glistening sheen.Alexander experiences an unusual amount of death in his life.





	Life and Death Are One

It’s almost funny to Alexander how death follows him throughout his life, marring him with its ugly aftermath of grief and sadness.

His first taste of death was at the tender age of twelve watching his mother struggle for breath, sweat dripping down her face and covering her body in a glistening sheen. Her skin is hot to the touch, and he cries as he curls into her side because _it feels like she’s on fire, Jamie, why does it feel like she’s on fire_ and Jamie stands there solemn faced, shrugging his shoulders although he knows. He knows why and he knows that she’s not going to make it through the week. Alexander does too, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge that.

He can barely stand at her funeral. His strength has been stolen by the illness but, even if that wasn’t the case, he cries so hard and so much that even had he been strong, the result would be the same. He leans on his brother for support, wails into Jamie’s shoulder. At twelve, he’s forced to say bye to the person he loves, and who loved him, the most.

Then comes Peter. Alexander is thirteen when he dies. He isn’t the one who finds the body but he knows what happened: Peter had killed himself. He clings to Jamie that day, tears stinging his cheeks and he screams at God in his mind for letting this happen. He starts to think that maybe it’s him; he had the fever too, and Peter only kills himself after he moves in. Jamie assures him that that’s nonsense, but Alexander isn’t too sure.

Peter’s death isn’t the end to the Lytton's or Hamilton's misery. James Lytton, Peter’s father, wants to claim the orphaned Hamilton boys but he dies before he can. Alexander often thinks that August 12th was the day that he lost hope.

Jamie gets an apprenticeship. Alexander moves in with Thomas Stevens.

Winds howl outside, rain lashes at the window panes and Alexander sobs. The streets have become rushing rivers and houses are torn apart. Death is all around. He’s not sure how he survives, but he does the only thing that he can do once the hurricane stops: he writes. His letter gets published and the town rallies around him. He’s surprised and grateful when he’s sent to New York. People gave all they could to get him there, and he intends to make the most of it.

The Revolutionary War is a massacre. He sits on the sidelines at first, confined to a writing desk with a only a pen as a weapon to fight the incompetence of congress. He begs and begs for a command, for a sense of danger, but he’s shot down every time. He’s bitter about it; as a child he had wished for a war, a chance to prove the courage and determination that fills him and now that there’s one waging, he’s not allowed to partake. He feels cheated. He soon learns the realities of war and that it’s not all heroics.

They win the battle of Yorktown. They attack under the cover of night, and it’s there that he gets his first hand experience with the horrors of war. Men fight like lions. You can smell the desperation in the air, mixed with the metallic scent of blood that covers his clothes and the end of his bayonet. Bodies are strewn about the battlefield, sons and fathers and husbands that gave their all but now have nothing to show for it. The white flag appears, and the Americans have won. They suffer their own casualties, but there’s no time to mourn.

He learns of Laurens’ death from John’s father. He reads over the letter, again and again and again. He doesn’t want to believe it. One of his closest friends have died in what is described as a “paltry little skirmish”. It’s unfair. His Laurens doesn’t get to see the end of the war which, Alexander thinks, is the cruelest part of it all. The Treaty of Paris is signed only a year later and Alexander wishes that John had survived. Alexander is never the same.

The next is George Washington. Again, Alexander is notified by letter and he cries in his study, head in his hands. The father of the nation gone. The man who gave America all that he could, who fought valiantly aside his men and who helped to secure American independence. It’s a sad day when he dies, and Alexander listens to the church bells ringing outside with a heavy heart. The whole nation joins him in his mourning, and Alexander watches John Adams step up to the plate knowing that he will never have the same impact as the brilliant man before him.

Two years later Alexander’s world is shattered. He inadvertently causes the death of his oldest son. He gives Philip his pistols, sends him off with the advice to aim at the sky. It turns out that George Eacker is not an honorable man in the slightest, and he murders his son in cold blood. Doesn’t even wait until ten to shoot. Alexander collapses when he’s told of Philip’s condition, clings to him all night as his son writhes in pain (he’s reminded of his mother’s death then) and hears the scream of anguish from his wife as the light, and pain, fades from Philip’s eyes. Alexander learns to hate the world after he’s robbed of his eldest child. Eacker dies only three years later, and Alexander himself doesn’t live much longer.

His final brush with death comes as he stands opposite Aaron Burr. He knows that he’s going to die before he even sees Burr, but it’s something that he’s come to peace with. He’ll be with his mother, with Peter, with Laurens, with Washington and Philip will be there too. It’ll be a bittersweet reunion, he knows that, but there’s part of him that cant wait.

He aims his pistol at the sky as Aaron Burr fires. Pain blossoms, but Alexander barely registers it as he collapses. He doesn’t remember much of the following hours except the calming touch and voice of his excellent wife who stays with him as he fades.

He waits for her on the other side and welcomes her with open arms some fifty years later. Together, they welcome their remaining children when they arrive. 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://pun-rise.tumblr.com)


End file.
